'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
