She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
