It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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