my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
