I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
