1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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