So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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