i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
