I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize