A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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