Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
