yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This baby is an asshole
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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