the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
