I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
