You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
