I should be sponsored by Trojan
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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