i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
