i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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