Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
