Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
