i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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