my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize