Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
