she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
