Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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