just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
