on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
