I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
