he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
They have beer where we have blood.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize