I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
