My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
