What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I need to calm my uterus...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize