I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
