Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
