Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
