I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
