So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
