So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
