I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
