The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
