Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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