operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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