just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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