I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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