Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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