He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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