I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
