your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
