I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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