just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
