He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize