we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
