I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is it because I queefed?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
