So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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