I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
