And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize