Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
