Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
